Maak Namm (Jackie Post)

     The quest for a cheap, beach side, internet accessible, furnished, 1-2 bedroom house close to KKJ begins! As you can see our criteria is fairly extensive but essentially not too difficult for such a touristy area, except that we want all of these amenities for less than we paid for our house on Mitchell street ($250 each). We looked at a bunch of internet ads and google mapped the distance from various cities in Phuket to the school I’ll be teaching at.  Rawai, Nai Han, Karon, Kata, Chalong, and Patong are all located on the ocean and within a few miles of the school. The island is only 30 k wide and 10k long but as we quickly found, there are only 2 major roads so even though Mueang (where my school is) and Patong are 9 miles from each other, in order to get from one to another you have to drive to Rawai at the southern tip of Phuket and bounce all the way back up, making the drive up to 37 minutes. Troubling. Also, the eastern ocean is unswimmable.

     We hired a taxi for $30 to drive us all around the island, stopping at every rental sign we saw to quickly dial the 10 digit number and enquire about cost and amenities to people with varied grasps of English. Our driver, Crom, became essential as he decided to take over and question people in rapid Thai and demand cheaper costs for us! We each called dozens of people and visited about a dozen places, each time our standards rising and dropping depending on the place. We fell in love with a two story house in the middle of nowhere accessible only by steep dirt roads that was new, inexpensive, impeccably clean, and comfortable with beautiful wood floors and a spectacular balcony with a view of the ocean over the jungle. The problem: no internet. We can’t live in a place without internet because of Isaac’s job. Oh well we shrugged, there will be plenty of others just like it. And there were. But each had its own problem; unfurnished, expensive, too big, too far from the ocean, horrendous landlords etc. We even checked out a house next door to an elephant colony where a baby elephant gave me kisses on the cheek after grabbing bananas with its agile trunk from Isaacs and my hands. After 6hrs we were exhausted, disappointed, and without a plan. We were already well outside of the area we wanted and beginning to rapidly strip variables out of the equation. It was pouring rain by this time and we decided to head home and peruse a few houses on the way. Feeling keenly disappointed and aware of the possibilities of imminent and unsolvable issues that would require a massive overhaul of our original standards, our driver spotted a sign in Thai advertising a house. Jaded, we shrugged and agreed to see it. It turned out to be a huge teal house that was architecturally stylized to appear distinctly Thai. In the rain we walked up the stairs and into the house. Though obviously very old it had a kitchen, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a living room and the clincher, a great balcony with a pristine ocean view and a big backyard with coconut trees and a swinging bench. It also has great neighbors who’ve we’ve already met, is within our price range, and is a 20 min moto ride from the school.

     Right before signing the lease we switched again. We found one last ad for another house, cheaper in the same area and while it lacks an ocean view, it is a gorgeous house 2 mins walk from beach with lots of windows, a front yard courtyard surrounded by tropical trees and flowers and is extremely comfortable. It also screams horror movie set. The flora enclose the house almost completely and in the rain the orange tiled courtyard becomes slick and the heavy engraved wooden door turns dark. In fact, you can’t really see the house at all unless you are directly in front of it and peek through the decorated iron gate. I should also mention that like an ad in Craigslist, it’s all about how you spin it. While the beach is almost visible from the house, it turns into 300 yrds of mudflats at low tide and you have to walk by a massively overgrown Muslim graveyard to get to it.  It’s also next to a gurgling prawn farm and seems to be completely isolated even though it is surrounded by buildings. All that aside, to us it’s a hidden mecca that is only a couple of minutes from the main road with terrific landlords and is only $150 each a month!