Grandpa Joe (Jackie)

Today I found out that my only grandfather passed away. His name was Joe and he was a wonderful man who loved his family and Elvis. He was also a collector of many things over the years and his huge collections of exotic shells, matchbox cars, beanie babies, and DVD’s were always an endless source of awe while I was growing up.  He was the person who taught me to heap cayenne pepper on everything...which I still do.  Grandpa was also very supportive of everything I did, especially if it involved sports! He and my grandma came to watch my very first Little 500 race at IU and they cheered me on at the courthouse square when I finished my first deCycles trip from Key West, FL to Bloomington, IN. They also came to support me at the State soccer and track meets in high school. His big hugs after all of the events, no matter how sweaty or smelly I was were always something to look forward to at the end of matches. He meant a lot to me and I’m very sorry that he is gone. However, he died peacefully in his sleep at age 80 and I was lucky enough to be able to spend time with him right before I left for Thailand. Here is his obituary:

Joseph George Age 80, of Crown Point, IN, passed away on Tuesday, September 27, 2011 at his home. Joseph is survived by his wife: Shirley; 5 children: Michael J. Schelfo, Theresa Y. Duemler, Patricia M. Holeman, Daniel A. Schelfo, and Steven J. Schelfo; 9 grandchildren: Andrew, Yvonne, Jaclyn, Davy, Marie, Aaron, Mariel, Macy, and Charlotte; 1 great-grandchild: Audrina; He was preceded in death by his parents: Joseph and Helen Schelfo; brother: Frank; sister: Pauline. Joseph was a member of St. Mary Catholic Church in Crown Point, IN and was retired from LTV Steel with over 37 1/2 years of service. He was an Army veteran serving in the Korean conflict and a member of the American Legion Fred Schmidt Post #20 in Crown Point, IN.

The worst part about losing a loved one should be the loss. However, in this situation the worst part was that I found out about my grandfather’s death through facebook- and not even through a personal message. A few days ago my cousin’s status popped up in my newsfeed with the statement “it’s hard to find black baby clothes.”  Never a good statement, especially when it’s a family member posting it.  I checked for additional information, found none and when no bad news arrived via email or phone I forgot about it. Today a picture of my grandma popped up in my newsfeed (from my cousin again) with a lot of comments under it, including a statement about losing a grandfather. Now I’m very distressed but trying to stay calm because after all, she has another set of grandparents and wouldn’t somebody have TOLD ME if my grandfather had died?!  I scan the last few days I see that my cousin’s glad her daughter got to see her great grandfather before he passed when they visited a few weeks ago. Now I am intensely facebook stalking and searching for where she’s been in the last few weeks… just outside of Chicago. Uh-oh. It just keeps looking worse. Finally Isaac searched Indiana obituaries and found him. He died almost a week ago and the funeral has already passed. I have still not been told.

 This experience has infuriated me as well as hurt me because it exponentially compounds and clarifies the extent of the silent treatment my parents have been giving me. They have not replied to any of my emails since I left the country. They have my phone #, my skype name, my email addresses, and even my postal address so there is no excuse for this complete absence of communication. The only family member I talk to at all is my brother and he’s assured me that they are healthy and have been doing very well, which left me to wonder why I had suddenly been abandoned by both of them. The complete silence from home was annoying and slightly upsetting before today, something that alternatingly sparked a variety of emotions from bemusement and frustration to anger and hurt, but now my overall opinion is just disbelief and fury.  Fury because all I want is to just be sad. How can they be stubborn enough to remain silent even when a family member dies?  What if I had wanted to come home and be with everyone during this difficult time?  I want to talk to my grandma and share stories about grandpa and cheer her up, but how could I have done that if I never knew anything was wrong? Ridiculous.  If they insist on extending this silent treatment past a month it’s their choice. All I want is assurance that when things like this happen in the future I will hear it from them, not the internet. That’s all.