Traveling Fears

My biggest fear when I'm traveling isn't missing my plane (though that wasn't fun), breaking my legs after grounding during a big climbing fall, running out of money, going to Thai prison for gambling, or suffer from the bends after an emergency ascent while scuba diving, though all of those things probably should be concerns, my biggest (realistic) fear is insulting someone who is trying to be nice to me. 

I had to face that fear tonight. I have no idea of I was insulting or not, but just the idea that someone might have gone out of their way to be welcoming and nice to me and then through some sort of miscommunication I end up being a total asshole is mortifying.

When I was younger, and even more happily naive then I am now, I had to get a passport extension for my stay in Egypt. I didn't have a guidebook and in all honesty I have no idea how I ended up in the right building to get the visa extension, but I did. It was a big building complex. It had a Cairo feel to it -- dusty marble, obviously something that had built in a more glorious age. Along the hallway were mats, leaving only a thin strip of actual floor to walk on. I had no idea what the deal was with the mats, so me and my big size 12 american shoes went stomping down the middle of the hallway until someone stopped me from trampling over any more prayer mats. I had no idea. I was oblivious.

Tonight, wasn't as bad as stomping on pray mats, I don't think. Jackie and I had just gotten back from dinner and I was locking the gate. I felt a little weird locking the gate, because there was a group of men and women on the other side of the street under some prawn farm lights that I hadn't ever seen lit before. I felt like I was locking them out of my home, as if closing the gate was not a general safety measure, but an action being done to specifically keep those particular people out -- it felt wrong.

One of them said hi in Thai, one of the few things I could understand. I smiled. I try to always smile when I'm not going to be able to communicate anything meaningful, in hopes that at least my base intentions are understood. A dog that was with them stood up, barked and started growling. The hair on his back was up like a porcupine's quills. They called to him, but he didn't really pay them any attention. I thought about stepping back and just slamming the gate shut, but that would have seen to Farang like -- I don't want to lend myself to the idea that foreigners are or should be afraid of locals (or their dogs). I don't want to be part of that sort of expat mindset. So I bent down and called out to the dog. It relaxed a little. It's tale gave a halfhearted wag, but it's hair stood up and it closed in cautiously. Crouched down, I gently called to it and waited, aware that the group was watching me, perhaps hyper-aware of it.

One of the members stood up and came towards me talking. I had no idea what he was saying, though he carried a shot glass of liquor and was presenting it to me with his right hand, his left hand gently touching his elbow. Still crouched I took the glass, waied  to him, and said thank you in Thai.

I down the shot. It was an herbal liquor that reminded me a little of Fernet.

He started talking again.

I had no idea what to say. I had used up the entirety of my Thai vocabulary outside of pad Thai, rice, fried, and a variety of numbers, but none of those seemed appropriate for the situation.

I started mumbling words that he said back to him -- that's what I end up doing when I'm dealing with a foreign language and panic.

There was a long awkward silence, I was filled with the feeling that I was either supposed to give him something or that I had just said something really offensive. I had no idea. An hour later and I can't remember how things ended. He must have just walked away.

I still have no idea if I was rude or horrible or just obviously ignorant. Coming off as either of the first two when someone has gone out of their way to be nice still and always will mortify me.